WHAT DOES I DREAM OF JEANNIE AND A DIRTY BATHROOM HAVE IN COMMON?
Well, let me tell you. I had a dream night before last night. Or, more of an acid trip while I was asleep. It all started with blog envy. Somehow, while surfing all of the blogs that I do, I see amazingly designed blogs. I see blogs that start out with a cookie cutter template and transform into an amazing piece of art that is totally in tune with the blog title and the theme....personality abounds. In my dream I was exceptionally jealous. I recognized how plain and ordinary my blog was. Yes, I had managed to figure out how to change the color of the background for my title...and, that was about it.
So, in my dream I approached one of the marvelous web designers that are displayed on all these beautiful blogs and these magical women created the perfect reflection of me. It was "I Dream of Jeannie" who I had decided represented a princess, sitting cross legged with her magic bottle with a wonderful color combination that was a light orange and a kind of burnished green. It was absolutely perfect, I couldn't believe my luck. Now, I know that Jeannie has nothing to do with a Princess like me, and there wasn't a damned cow in sight. But, in my dream it made perfect sense. I think that was the acid part.
What does this have to do with a dirty bathroom? There is the ongoing aging problem which requires waking in the middle of the night to pee. When I finally do get to sleep, it is difficult to awaken for this nighttime ritual. At first, I developed this habit of reaching down to feel the cold porcelain toilet bowl to make sure I was awake and not just dreaming I was on a toilet. That worked great for a while. That is, until I reached down one night and apparently laid my hand on my cold butt and thought it was the toilet and, sure enough, I peed the bed. Now, at age seven that is uncomfortable. In middle age, it is not only uncomfortable, it is damned uncomfortable and a real pain because I had to clean it up myself.
I knew then that that tactic had failed me and I was constantly afraid of peeing the bed again, so my unconscious mind developed the one sure thing to keep me from peeing the bed. The dirty bathroom. Not just dirty, but filthy, disgusting, rank and enough to make one lose one's stomach contents. If you know me just a little, then you know that I am selectively obsessive-compulsive. And one of the things I have selected is the cleanliness of bathrooms. Therfore, it is the one thing that wakes me up immediately.
Until night before last. Because I was in such awe of my new template, I couldn't even tear myself away from the beauty of it and thus was in dire danger of peeing the bed again. Luckily, a cat that had teeth like a tiger started to rip at my fingers and thus saved me the travesty of peeing the bed again. When I woke up, immediately, I was pissed off. I was pissed off because I knew that my blog still had the same crappy look it did before I went to sleep and on top of that, I had to wake myself up before I peed the bed again.
What's a girl to do? Obviously, I had better get a new design or just get used to washing the sheets every other day because the next time, I'm going to continue to bask in the beauty of my wonderful new blog. Now, my biggest fear isn't that I will pee the bed again, it's that Dead Guy will put it ithis into one of his cartoons and I will be wearing one of those horrible house dresses. Maybe it's Pampers time for the old girl.
11 comments:
poor princess wild cow!! if you're dreaming about blog templates, you know it must be time to get one!
You should search online for free blogger templates - something to hold you over! There's lots of them out there.
Dawn
webmiztris.diaryland.com
Sometimes I think Pampers would be a lot easier. Sigh.
honey it doesn't matter what other people think. if you are unhappy with something, you must change it! your happiness will shine through and reflect in everything you do (even peeing) :))
If you do change your template, be sure to save your old template on your hard drive (just copy from blogger's site onto a word or notepad document). That way, if you screw something up, you can go right back to the old, working template easily.
Dear Princess,
I love your blog!! I know it's kinda hard surfin around and seeing so many wonderful blog templates, I have been there lol! But you are gifted, your writings are interesting and wonderful.
Sleep well tonight
Hi Princess,
Something that worked for me a while back was..
Draw up a chart... and everyday you manage to successly sleep dry, give yourself a reward and a tick on the chart. After a while your body should get the picture and train it's muscles because your brain gives it insentive. I dunno, it might work.
Hi Princess,
Something that worked for me a while back was..
Draw up a chart... and everyday you manage to successly sleep dry, give yourself a reward and a tick on the chart. After a while your body should get the picture and train it's muscles because your brain gives it insentive. I dunno, it might work.
But ... I LOVE you just the way you are! ;)
passing through.
Maystar designs has templates you can basically play with and do over as long as you give her credit. They may be a little simplistic for you though.
princess:
two things.
you don't really need a new design, cause you can write. it's kinda like, if you are truly beautiful, you don't need lots of makeup (or, in the case of a guy, a hair transplant).
but...if you want one...here's a thought. start a second blog that is just a test site, and go in and attempt the changes in there. google "html" and "help" or "color" or "text"...you'll get lots of sites that will tell you the about basic html changes. then you can practice them on the test site.
Just a thought.
When I read blogs I'm more concerned with content than look, and I love reading your blog. I used to stress about mine too though. And even dream about it. Just search around for html help and take a basic blog template and keep playing with it.
Funny before bed last night I watched the movie "Saw." I don't mix with scary movies. When I woke up for my 2 am pee I didn't even turn the bathroom light on because I didn't want to wake all the way up. As I was peeing I realized there was a man in my bathtub laying there looking at me. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't send the police I screamed so loud. The man? My 100 pound golden retriever was asleep in my tub. He was most unhappy at the disturbance.
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