AS FREUD ONCE SAID...THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TOO LOOSE AN ASSOCIATION...

POPE #1...A number of them have passed in my lifetime. Pius the XII was the last one that had any real impact upon my life. My mother had married a hunchbacked, alcoholic who also happened to be a Catholic. While she didn't have to convert, I did. My life had been quite disrupted and bizarre to this point, so turning me over to the Catholics had to be the only step available. I mean, it would be like throwing gasoline to put out a fire. Warning, disaster ahead!

There were a more than a couple of problems encountered. I was looking for escape on any level and those Carmelites were more than happy to send me on my way to brown-sack-cloth land. Next, and more importantly, was that I had a far too well-developed sense of logic for any of the Catholic mysticism stuff they were peddling. This led to quite a schizophrenic couple of years. On the one hand, buying into the "Jesus would save me from the hell I was being raised in", while on the other, the absolute certainty that priests went to magician's school and that's where the capes and all the wine into blood stuff came from. And, Latin sounded a lot like abbra-caddabra to me.

Anyway, back to that Pius guy...when he died, we were marched to the chapel to pray for his soul. On our knees. Our wobbling along was accentuated by the pain I was experiencing from having been born with the "housewive's knees" bumps that made any pressure more than excruciating. I decided to apply that well developed logic at this point and asked, "Sister, why are we praying for the Pope? Isn't he the "closest thing to God on Earth"? Why aren't we praying for somebody who really needs it?" (You can see it coming, can't you?)

While logic has always ruled my life, common sense hasn't. As you can tell. Palms out, awaiting the sting of the metal edged ruler, I lost my final. tenuous connection to that redemption that they had held out for me.

Hell in a handbasket. I had heard it so many times it had lost its fear provoking powers and I joyfully jumped in with the full knowledge that any church that could justify anything with the term "blind faith" wasn't going to be pulling me, unwillingly, into any heaven that was designed as a gated community with rules that were far to difficult to figure out.

To be continued...